Dear Doctor,
My kids (early teens) don't think I'm cool. How do I prove otherwise?
Do everything in your power to be the most uncool. You won't win any other way. This also comes with a bonus – there is way too much fun to be had in embarrassing them. Put on your skinny jeans, make sure your muffin is well and truly hanging over, cultivate a Mexican 'tache, and bounce around the house singing Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing On Rainbows and Jason Derulo's Wiggle to show you is down. Ask them what badongadongs means and, through everything, keep dancing gangnam style as if the world had just discovered it.
Louis Armstrong - St. James Infirmary on MUZU.TV.
Between you and me, there ain't a better record ever made than Louis Armstrong's St James Infirmary. Or Blind Snooks Eaglin's Brown Skinned Woman. Or Booker T & the MG's Green Onions. But it's going to take them 20 more years to learn that. In the meantime, cool is a nebulous concept best ignored. So go for it. Let the young hipsters watch goggly-eyed in fear of your next outbreak of super-styling, as you windmill across the kitchen floor, piling through their visiting mates. Uncool is the new cool.
Dear Doctor,
I hate my car commute. How can I pep things up?
Lord! Life's too short. Hang a dancing Elvis in your car window and get yourself a cigar habit, of the Robusto size at least. Soon your car journeys will not be long enough. You could fatten up the Cubano experience by playing something like the Buena Vista Social Club or Rubén González. Just be sure to carry mouthwash and perfume.
• What musical advice do you need? Post your questions in the thread below
