Finally, to the launch of Cliff Richard's forthcoming album of duets with soul legends, where the man who once described himself as "the most radical rock star there has ever been" – something the late American singer GG Allin, who used to perform naked but for a pair of boots, stick a microphone up his bum and eat his own poo on stage might have had cause to dispute – made a game attempt at proving his continued relevance to a younger audience. "I wouldn't mind singing with Lady Gaga," he said, "but she can't wear those hats."

Lost in Showbiz doesn't like to nitpick with a knight of the realm, but it feels forced to say: Cliff, mate, she turned up at the Grammies in a giant egg, she played piano on The X Factor while sitting on an enormous lavatory, she wore a dress made out of meat to the VMAs and Snoop Dogg – who, frankly, seems a rather more worldly character than you – recently announced he was scared of her on the grounds that she might have "a snake or a knife" concealed in her vagina, and you're concerned about her hats? Whatever next? "I would have liked to perform a duet with the late American singer GG Allin – but not in those boots"?