If you were watching the AFL grand final broadcast, you might have noticed crew trying to clear water from the stage as the minutes ticked down towards the pre-game entertainment. You might have clocked the crowd in the stands wearing ponchos or heard commentators talking about the rain and the cold. You might have started to doubt the quality of performances about to head your way.
But if you had doubts, then you don’t know Kylie Minogue.
Kylie is a national treasure: a dancefloor pop goddess, the highest-selling Australian-born female artist of all time, and simply one of our all-time greatest performers. The spotlight loves her, she loves it right back – and for 20 euphoric minutes, she invited us all into the light alongside her.
The set began with a sweetly nostalgic montage of images from Kylie’s early years alongside glimpses of AFL glory, all interspersed with shots of Melbourne, the home town of both performer and game. “A homecoming like this?” she said. “I should be so lucky.”
And as a lovely few lines from that song rang out, a young woman in a school uniform and long Kylie-blond hair wandered on to the field, clutching a walkman with headphones on. Imagining, perhaps, herself on a stage like this. We didn’t linger here – Kylie was already high on a platform, surrounded by dancers in sleek blue bodysuits and helmets to burst into Love at First Sight – but the moment gave the show depth and dimension.
And what a show! With her dizzying five decades of hits, Kylie whizzed through In Your Eyes and Get Outta My Way, joining her dancers in smartly styled choreography that morphed and shifted between songs from balletic to witty to athletic and back again. On A Night Like This became All the Lovers, which she sang to the MCG and to all of us watching – interjecting a giddy “How could they?” as the backing vocalists sang that said lovers could not compare to – who?! Us?!
Pillars of triumphant smoke erupted all around her, and suddenly the blue bodysuits were replaced with silver lamé and sequins: now we were in the disco for Spinning Around, Kylie playful in a little black dress with athletic lacing on the sides and a glittery gold MELBOURNE on the back, spelled out in varsity font.
Even her guest stars seemed dazzled by the affair: Kalkadunga multi-instrumentalist William Barton accompanied Kylie (along with a full strings section) for Confide in Me in a shower of gold sparks, while pre-show opener G Flip brought their guitar and joined Kylie for a flirty Padam Padam, the pair surrounded by red feathers and cheeky chemistry.
Kylie has always moved effortlessly through sounds and songs, shifting from silly to sincere with ease, and that served her well here. She somehow found time to tease us between songs, wondering aloud all twinkle-eyed, whether a sudden sound effect could have been the Loco-Motion. She knew she was giving the people what they wanted. We loved her for it.
The more we went into the world of the show – ever-sparkling, smartly mixed and resplendent – the more it collided with the game. The dancers switched sequins for athleisure before moving into full AFL drag with colourful guernseys. They waved flags proclaiming “LA LA LA” as the audience in the stands joined Kylie (now wearing sunnies and a gown, cool as you like, as she was flown through the sky in a small metal cage) for the infectious and so aptly named Can’t Get You Out of my Head.
As Kylie flew, like a fairy blessing the sporting ground with the gift of the party, a giant shining disco-football was centre-stage, winking out at us. Dom Dolla, who created this remix, played air-traffic controller and welcomed Kylie back to the ground. In a feelgood, let-loose finale, the dancers took their moves to the club for a triumphant ending that felt as intimate and infectious as a dancefloor.
For 20 joyful minutes, sports went pure pop. That’s the magic of Kylie Minogue: she brings the party, and it’s always the best one you’ve ever been to.
