These are difficult times to be a titan of rock, particularly if you are Bono, Bob Geldof or Sting, who between them account for 90% of the world’s fatigue with rock-star humanitarians. If you could take out an injunction against just one of these men, ensuring you never had to hear from him again, which would it be? Tough call.
To recap: in October, Bono annoyed 500 million people by arranging for U2’s new album to be available for download on to their iTunes playlist. Geldof, via Band Aid 30, is currently bothering the world with his drive to make pop stars feel better about themselves and “west Africa” feel slightly worse.
Which leaves Sting, who has been a bit quiet of late. Thankfully, an urgent mission has presented itself – to turn around a failing Broadway musical, Mickey Rooney-style, between now and Christmas. The Last Ship, which Sting wrote and co-produced, is playing to less than packed houses at the Neil Simon theatre on Broadway, where it cost $14m to stage and is only taking in about $550,000 a week, half its potential revenue. The musical wasn’t badly reviewed. The New York Times called it “earnest” but praised “a seductive score that ranks among the best composed by a rock or pop figure for Broadway”. But there is a lot of competition, with stars like Hugh Jackman and Bradley Cooper filling venues and ticket prices that have gone through the roof.
What’s a rock god to do? “The producers said there is one solution,” said Sting. “You have to go in the play.” It’s like that moment in the movie Independence Day when Bill Pullman, as the president, steps up to fly the fighter jet himself.
Broadway in the run-up to Christmas is a mostly horrible place. Whether a big name will save this musical is doubtful, although it seems to have worked for Alan Alda and Candice Bergen, who recently went into Love Letters, a few theatres away, and raised ticket sales by almost 25%.
Sting, a man one can never accuse of not taking things seriously, knows what’s at stake. “It is a bold gamble and it is not devoid of risk,” he said. “But this is theatre, this is drama. You have to do whatever it takes. I never assumed this would be easy.” Dammit, for all the grousing it’s good to have him back.
Sshh. It’s Wolverine
Hugh Jackman’s role on Broadway is in The River, Jez Butterworth’s follow-up to his hit play Jerusalem. It is on at one of the smallest theatres, the Circle in the Square, the intimacy of which is causing some problems. The play is set in rural England, and Jackman plays a fly-fisherman with relationship issues. When I spoke to him a few weeks ago he expressed gratitude that fans of X-Men might find their way to the play, even if they came only to see Wolverine. Now the show has opened, there’s clearly a downside to this, mainly that when you see a show with a celebrity in, it doesn’t matter how good they are, some of the surface tension is lost. Several years ago, Catherine Zeta-Jones blew a hole through A Little Night Music on Broadway by being so undisguisedly Catherine Zeta-Jones. Jackman is great; the audience less so. American theatre audiences traditionally give anyone who can get their lines out an ovation, and if they’re famous, clap when they first come on stage. Add to this the urge to take Jackman’s photo – cell phones have been such a problem that the cast signed a note in the programme, begging everyone to turn off their devices – and you have more noise in this quiet production off stage than on.
My obscene breakfast
The economy around Times Square has always been depressing. At one time it was because of strip clubs and dive bars. Now it’s the other end of the scale. A few blocks east, I had a breakfast meeting this week at the Four Seasons Hotel, not somewhere I would usually go. It looks like a regular restaurant and then you order eggs, bacon and toast and get a bill for $46, an obscenity that should kickstart a campaign. All it needs is a rock titan sponsor.
