The BBC’s Desert Island Discs this week celebrated its 3,000th episode, which is music to the ears because:
1. It’s so British
Foreigners, while welcome guests, don’t see that the highest honour this rainy island can give is to invite you to choose eight gramophone records, one book (not the Bible or Shakespeare) and one luxury. It’s a prize beyond any baubles that governments or monarchs have it in their power to bestow. But people from overseas don’t always see that. Bestselling authors in the middle of book tours treat it as just another stop between talking to Phillip Schofield on ITV and signing books in Foyles, whereas any Briton knows it’s something to be savoured. The estimable Canadian Malcolm Gladwell was good the other week but he wouldn’t tell Kirsty Young anything about his personal life because “you Brits are always so interested in that stuff”. At which point the entire nation turned to its neighbour and wondered what the devil else there was to be interested in.
2. It’s the Radio 4 litmus test
You’re at your peak Radio 4 age when you’re the same age as the presenter of DID. The age and hinterland of the presenter is key to its appeal. Because they have to speak on behalf of the nation, the host should be about the same age as the bulk of the listenership. Roy Plomley always sounded too Garrick Club for me, Michael Parkinson too golf club and Sue Lawley too news studio. All that meant was that they were older than me. Kirsty Young is 45. If you’re round about there right now, you’re probably listening.
3. It smokes out a fraud
The question, “Is music important to you?”, is like asking: “Do you kick kittens?” It’s only going to elicit one response. You can tell whether music’s important to the interviewee by how they talk about it, not by what they’ve picked. Anybody really immersed in music knows they could pick a different eight records every week from now until doomsday just so long as they had something interesting to say about them. Which leads to …
4. It finds out politicians
The last senior politician to sound sincere on DID was Margaret Thatcher. She certainly wasn’t picking Bob Newhart’s “Introducing Tobacco To Civilisation” to impress anyone. She was picking it because she was genuinely tin-eared and music played no real part in her life. I’d rather that than somebody trying to pretend that they really like whatever just won the Mercury Music prize, and has been picked out for them by somebody in their office.
5. It’s the game we all play
I’ll confess. I’ve whiled away long car journeys saying to myself “well, Kirsty, there’s a funny reason why I chose the Welsh national anthem even though I’m not Welsh”. Or “I’ve always loved Flanders and Swann” or: “Do you have the live recording of Mad Dogs and Englishmen?” Come on. So have you.
6. It’s idiot-proof
The greatest achievement of BBC Radio is that they have done 3,000 DIDs without mucking about with the format (or at least mucking about with it gradually and imperceptibly like the design of a tin of Tate & Lyle’s Golden Syrup). Kirsty Young is very good but even she would probably admit the format makes it a dream to present. It puts the onus on the subject rather than the presenter. It’s their party, their island. They can’t sit there pretending they don’t know why they’re being asked these preposterous questions, because they picked the list. And it’s the most easily edited programme on the air because you never hear that grinding of gears that indicates that the presenter is changing the subject. Try it for yourself. Next time you’re in an awkward conversational cul-de-sac at a party and don’t know what to ask next, take a beat and then say, in solicitous tones: “Record number four … ”.
