The BBC director general, Matt Brittin, has started the job at a time of huge crisis. Money is short, jobs are being cut and it’s likely entire channels will be culled to stem the tide. This is a moment that requires great motivational charisma, which is why, in a recent all-staff call, he urged BBC employees to be “a bit more Elvis – a little less conversation, a little more action”.
Clearly, this isn’t great. But maybe this is how things are now. Perhaps, if you really want to unite a flagging workforce against a vast and inevitable decline, you need to start quoting song lyrics at them. With that in mind, here are some more that Brittin could use in his next call.
Be more Rolling Stones – you can’t always get what you want
This may be a better tactic, given the sour mood at the BBC right now. Sure, employees may wish for lots of things – like a bigger commissioning budget, more exclusive coverage of big sporting events, and a functioning BBC Three. But Mick Jagger was right. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. Note: this only really works if what you need is having Romesh Ranganathan present everything.
Be more Queen – the show must go on
It doesn’t matter how many cuts the BBC faces. It doesn’t matter how many staff it has to lose. The corporation’s ethos is to inform, educate and entertain, and that’s what it will do, no matter what. If that means Sophie Raworth has to do the news over Zoom from inside a wardrobe, so be it. If it means the Olympics have to be replaced by footage of raindrops racing each other down a window for several hours at a time, bring it on.
Be more Bee Gees – stayin’ alive
The media landscape is going through a stage of permanent transformation. Maybe the idea of an elderly institution such as the BBC thriving in this new environment is too much to ask. Perhaps the real motivating war cry should be about clinging on to life at any cost. What do we want? Survival, if only in a heavily diminished capacity. When do we want it? Now!
Be more the Smiths – there is a light that never goes out
The BBC finds itself in a moment of extreme belt-tightening, and every penny must be utilised to its best advantage. As such, turning on the office bathroom lights is too expensive and therefore banned. Your phone has a torch, doesn’t it?
Be more XTC – making plans for Nigel
This one speaks for itself. An enormous part of running the BBC involves figuring out what to do with Nigel Farage. If Brittin wants to maintain any form of continuity with the previous administration, this will mean putting him on television at every possible opportunity. Does it hurt the corporation to give so much airtime to someone who wants to abolish the licence fee? Absolutely. But also, could he guest host The One Show for a couple of weeks? Couldn’t hurt to ask.
