All hands on deck for Sting, who has parachuted himself into the lead role of his ailing Broadway musical The Last Ship.

Principal Geordie duties had been filled by Jimmy Nail, but it seems that The Last Ship is listing terribly, taking on board $75,000 of losses a week, and Sting has acted now to stop it turning into a giant maritime disaster metaphor.

“It’s not like I’ve flown in from Planet Rock Star to save the day,” Sting told the New York Times, which claims the fate of the musical “will now transfix the New York theaterati in the coming weeks”. (Will it? They really should stay in more.)

As for the plot of the show, shout “When!” just the second you wonder whether some kind of klaxon should have sounded to flag up the possibility that it might tank on Broadway. It is set in a failing Wallsend shipyard, and tells the story of a community threatened by the declining Tyneside shipbuilding industry, via songs with titles such as We’ve Got Now’t Else … Anyone yet to detonate their “When”?

Still, as someone once accused of “class envy” by Sting’s wife Trudie Styler, Lost in Showbiz daren’t presume what constitutes a smart Manhattan night out. If you have ever seen Billy Elliott and mused how much more of a draw it would be if it were relieved of the burdensome positivity of a dancing kid, The Last Ship sounds like one for you.