That's it
It’s over. Rihanna’s never ending tour finally came to an end after Kanye West delivered a less interesting speech and debuted a video that borrows heavily from Flash Dance. Beyonce delivered the night’s only truly memorable performance and Nick Jonas played a gig in a diner. I’m going to bed now. See you all next year.
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“When I think about the vanguard award and receiving this tonight all I thought about was my country,” she says, speaking about Barbados. It did look as if Drake was about to propose when he first came out and as they walk off it’s like they’re about to start their honeymoon.
Drake says he first met Rihanna when she was filming in Toronto while he was singing in a restaurant, and now 11 years later they’re both massive stars. So congrats. The best thing about her is that she hasn’t changed, says Drake.
Rihanna’s doing a jazzy club style set here. Accompanied by a brass section while perched on what looks like a little fake rock formation. And now Drake is here 3 hours late and wearing a tux.
Mary J Blige is introducing Rihanna, who decided to say yes to Umbrella after Mary J Blige turned it down.
Beyonce takes the biggy and has been the real winner tonight. In all honesty this has been drab and really disjointed. Rihanna is performing again next.
WINNER: best video of the year Beyoncé: Formation
He’s giving the award for best video.
Video of the year
Adele: Hello
Beyoncé: Formation
Drake: Hotline Bling
Justin Bieber: Sorry
Kanye West: Famous
Jimmy Fallon is on stage dressed as Ryan Lochte
Chainsmokers are performing now. It is massively pedestrian and features a man pretending to sing while another man pretends to sing.
This is turning into a bit of a slog now. The best stuff has come and gone now, but lets keep our fingers crossed for something, anything interesting.
WINNER: best new artist – DNCE
Dispatch six
Rihanna, during her 3rd and final performance of melodies, is somewhat upstaged by showstoppers by Britney Spears and Beyonce. That doesn’t mean the audience in the house isn’t into it, though... Just not as much. Meanwhile, MSG has fully warmed to Key and Peele as the jumbotron expertly shows their shocked faces following the night’s most salacious performances. Now, the only questions that remain are who could close the show? A major surprise could be in store.
Rob liked that Rihanna performance.
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If you removed Beyonce and Rihanna from this all you’d have is Key & Peele and DJ Khaled screaming stuff.
Rihanna is performing again
Tracee Ellis Ross intros Ri-ri again who is doing Needed Me
WINNER: best female video Beyoncé - Hold Up
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Dispatch five
Rob LeDonne has been overcome by that Beyonce performance. We’re sending a swat team to rescue him and that t-shirt.
This is distinctly average, actually i’s bad. I feel sorry for anyone having to follow Beyonce but that was … baaaadddd
Kim Kardashian West introduces Britney Spears who’s playing his with Mr G Eazy
WINNER: Fifth Harmony [ft Ty Dolla $ign]: Work From Home
2 Chainz looks like he’s in shock
Key & Peele are crying
Looks like she’s going to finish on Formation. I can’t recall the last time a pop star played for this long at an awards show and did it with new material rather than older big hits.
Now there are figures on stage in white cloaks who fall to the ground and are then covered in red light. A reference to violence in the US? Very possibly. Now a man in a hoodie appears behind her. The next scene is her surrounded by female dancers in purple dresses. Now she’s into this:
It’s the most obvious track about infidelity on Lemonade. She’s got the famous baseball bat and just whacked a camera - not really but, you know. Now she’s backed by dancers in gold cloaks and headdresses before launching into Sorry:
This is essentially a live and abridged version of Lemonade, which is almost as visually impressive. Now she’s on to Don’t Hurt Yourself where she snarls into the camera. This is an amazing performance.
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She’s singing Pray You Catch Me
She starts with a backlit stage with a strobe and massive LED screen with lyrics and different scenes: white out, a burning house.
Serena Williams is here to introduce Beyonce. This could be big.
News on Beyonce
Dispatch number four
The room certainly got tense during Kanye’s tangent, with some in the crowd rooting him on while others booed him. Was he speaking off the cuff? Did he plan any of that? However, everyone was equally flabbergasted at his risqué video premiere. How did that actually get past MTV censors? Elsewhere in the show, some in the audience are disappointed so far that the night’s first two winners, Drake and Calvin Harris, were no-shows. Here’s hoping the rest of the nights winners actually show up to collect their moon man.
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Ok, the song is called bacon so this now all makes a very tenuous sense.
A waiter just did a backflip and Ty Dolla $ign is stood next to two low riders with hydraulics and apparently no respect for basic rules of the road
Nick Jonas is performing in a diner, because … why not? Josh Ostrovsky just appeared out of nowhere.
The aforementioned DNCE are there as well. This is weird.
“That was a song called megamix to Usain Bolt’s infidelity,” say Key & Peele. That’s been there best joke so far.
Rihanna is performing again and doing a dancehall version medley of her biggest hits. She’s doing Work now
That got very raunchy and then very weird when Teyana Taylor turned into a cat person. No worries Naomi Campbell is here and introducing Rihanna who is getting the Michael Jackson vanguard gong.
The video features Teyana Taylor who is part of the GOOD Music collective doing a flash dance pastiche.
Not sure if it beats this:
He makes a joke about losing out to Beyonce in the best video award which is a reference to his very famous interruption of Taylor Swift - no one talks about that ever do they? Now he’s talking about his video before seguing into the murder rate in Chicago and then Taylor Swift … this is meandering to say the least.
“Life can start to feel worthless,” he says referring to the amount of people who are killed in Chicago – and then going off again about how he’s inspired by Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Now he’s playing his new video for Fade.
Chants of “Yeezy” greet Kanye. “I am Kanye West,” he says. “I came here to present my new video, but before I do that I’m going to talk.” Here it comes …
Kanye is here!
I’ll try to keep up with this
It looks like they’re saving the good stuff for the second half because this hasn’t been a good start at all. Britney, Kanye and Beyonce is a pretty good lineup though. The main issue is the fact there’s no host, even a bad one gives a focal point, this is just all over the place.
File this away for later
Adele's Hello is up for Best Video at #VMAs. Here's a shameless plug for an old piece on the return of flip-phones https://t.co/SnA8ZW30eR
— HannahJane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) August 29, 2016
Future: a primer
For those who don’t know here’s a piece about who Future is.
Calvin Harris has a show in the UK so he couldn’t be there so we get a video message. Now Michael Phelps is here accompanied by massive chants of “USA, USA, USA!”. He’s introducing Future, apparently he was listening to Stick Talk when he was pulling that insane face. This could be good.
WINNER: Calvin Harris ft Rihanna - This Is What You Came For
Alicia Keys comes out and performs a poem after mentioning Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech before going into In Common
Dispatch number 3
From Rob on the floor:
So far, Puff Daddy and Rihanna get the biggest cheers in house, while the bits by Key and Peele and Nicole Byers are largely met with indifference. During the commercial break, waiters in suit and tie bring drinks on platters to the esteemed celebrity guests on the floor. Seems like MTV is juicing them up for some salty behavior. It’s those WTF moments that get people talking, after all.
I love Key & Peele but their stuff really isn’t landing. There’s only so many places you can take douchey presenters who want loads of retweets. DJ Khaled is in his element and just yelling as many catchphrases as he can. It’s impressive.
Nicki Minaj is here flanked by men in skimpy pink wrestling vests. This is camp with a capital CAMP.
Ariana Grande has a massive visor on just like Hunter S Thompson and there’s a pair of giant legs with fishnets on either side of the stage. This is genuinely unnerving.
By the looks of it they’re doing a spinning class. I’m not making this up.
Hailee Steinfeld is here to tell people to vote for best new artist after DJ Khaled said a bunch of catchphrases. She just referred to Mr Robot, so kudos there. DJ Khaled is easily the best part of this so far. Now Chance The Rapper is here to introduce Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj. Watch out …
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Dispatch number 2
Rob is in the belly of the beast and he sends this:
People are filing into Madison Square Garden are greeted with airport style security and long lines. Nathan Skyes is here and he had to go through security too. “I am so excited,” the pop star said. “I can’t wait to see what Rihanna does.” Once inside, pop music blares from the lobby speakers (a member of DJ Khaled’s crew is DJing) and the show’s attendees are the most stylish group of people you’ve ever seen. As anticipation builds, rumors spread in the audience. The one sure thing? There’s word of open bar.
Also it turns out he got that t-shirt from Urban Outfitters but he insists he’s a reggae fan. I just asked him to confirm that by saying what his favourite Burning Spears albums are. Truth will out.
WINNER - best hip-hop video Drake: Hotline Bling
Drizzy isn’t here to pick up his award so Diddy runs off with his gong.
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This is messy
Turns out if you don’t have a host there’s no one to hold the whole thing together. Key & Peele did their little thing, then we went to Jay Pharaoh and DJ KHALED before they got around the introducing P Diddy, ten minutes after the whole thing started.
Key & Peele
That was a little but underwhelming, Ri-ri dialed it in a bit and because there’s no host - sorry Miley - we’ve just got Key & Peele who are doing impersonations of two daft award show hosts. It’s still not as good as this:
We're off!
Rihanna has just appeared on stage doing a weird medley that starts with Please Don’t Stop the Music. Things kick up a gear when she starts Only Girl In The World and We Found Love.
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A dispatch
Rob is having fun and making friends. Who knew thigh phones were a thing?
What is going to happen?
So apart from Beyonce and Adele winning a lot of those little silver Kubricks, we’re also expecting some drama.
- In terms of performances Britney Spears featuring G-Eazy should be, er, interesting if not a bit incongruous – she’s a bona fide mega star with a new album, he’s a rapper that no one takes seriously.
- Ariana Grande is performing and also premiering a music video on the site of a well-known jeans manufacturer tonight.
- Nicki Minaj is also down to perform and would do well to top her exploits last year.
- Future is performing as well. I once interviewed him and he tried to make a song out of the noise the air conditioner was making. Needless to say that might be worth watching.
- The US Olympic team are there in force. Ryan Lochte isn’t though, surprisingly.
- Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele are special correspondents
- Kanye West has a four minute slot where he could do just about anything.
- Beyonce has just been announced as a surprise performer.
These people are all down to present awards:
Alicia Keys
Ansel Elgort
Bebe Rexha
Fifth Harmony
Jaden Smith
Jimmy Fallon
Kim Kardashian West
Rita Ora
Shameik Moore
Sean “Diddy” Combs aka Puff Daddy
Tove Lo
Michael Phelps
Simone Biles
Gabby Douglas
Laurie Hernandez
Madison Kocian
Aly Raisman
If you don’t recognise someone they’re either a gymnast or a minor music celeb.
DNCE
I’m old now so I don’t recognise that many new groups. DNCE just came on screen to audible gasps from the three people in my living room. Check em out.
Lizzo!
Lizzo is also doing a decent job co-hosting the pre-show, and guess what? We’ve also interviewed her.
DJ Khaled just threw his cue cards away while interviewing Nick Jonas and just made a load of funny noises. This is going great.
Who is up for what?
Here’s the full list of awards on offer. Get ready for a lot of Beyonce and Adele …
Video of the year
Adele: Hello
Beyoncé: Formation
Drake: Hotline Bling
Justin Bieber: Sorry
Kanye West: Famous
Best Female Video:
Adele: Hello
Beyoncé: Hold Up
Sia: Cheap Thrills
Ariana Grande: Into You
Rihanna [ft. Drake]: Work (short version)
Best Male Video:
Drake: Hotline Bling
Bryson Tiller: Don’t
Calvin Harris [ft Rihanna]: This Is What You Came For
Kanye West: Famous
The Weeknd: Can’t Feel My Face
Best Collaboration:
Beyoncé [ft Kendrick Lamar]: Freedom
Fifth Harmony [ft Ty Dolla $ign]: Work From Home
Ariana Grande [ft Lil Wayne]: Let Me Love You
Calvin Harris [ft Rihanna]: This Is What You Came For
Rihanna [ft Drake]: Work (short version)
Best Hip Hop Video:
Drake: Hotline Bling
Desiigner: Panda
Bryson Tiller: Don’t
Chance the Rapper: Angels
2 Chainz: Watch Out
Best Pop Video:
Adele: Hello
Beyoncé: Formation
Justin Bieber: Sorry
Alessia Cara: Wild Things
Ariana Grande: Into You
Best Rock Video:
All Time Low: Missing You
Coldplay: Adventure of a Lifetime
Fall Out Boy [ft Demi Lovato]: Irresistible
twenty one pilots: Heathens
Panic! At the Disco: Victorious
Best Electronic Video:
Calvin Harris & Disciples: How Deep Is Your Love
99 Souls [ft Destiny’s Child & Brandy]: The Girl Is Mine
Mike Posner: I Took a Pill in Ibiza
Afrojack: SummerThing!
The Chainsmokers [ft Daya]: Don’t Let Me Down
Breakthrough Long Form Video:
Florence and the Machine: The Odyssey
Beyoncé: Lemonade
Justin Bieber: PURPOSE: The Movement
Chris Brown: Royalty
Troye Sivan: Blue Neighborhood Trilogy
Best New Artist:
Bryson Tiller
Desiigner
Zara Larsson
Lukas Graham
DNCE
Best Art Direction:
Beyoncé: Hold Up
Fergie: M.I.L.F.$
Drake: Hotline Bling
David Bowie: Blackstar
Adele: Hello
Best Choreography:
Beyoncé: Formation
Missy Elliott [ft. Pharrell]: WTF (Where They From)
Beyoncé: Sorry
FKA twigs: M3LL155X
Florence and the Machine: Delilah
Best Direction:
Beyoncé: Formation
Coldplay: Up&Up
Adele: Hello
David Bowie: Lazarus
Tame Impala: The Less I Know the Better
Best Cinematography:
Beyoncé: Formation
Adele: Hello
David Bowie: Lazarus
Alesso: I Wanna Know
Ariana Grande: Into You
Best Editing:
Beyoncé: Formation
Adele: Hello
Fergie: M.I.L.F.$
David Bowie: Lazarus
Ariana Grande: Into You
Best Visual Effects:
Coldplay: Up&Up
FKA twigs: M3LL155X
Adele: Send My Love (To Your New Lover)
The Weeknd: Can’t Feel My Face
Zayn: PILLOWTALK
DJ KHALED!
DJ Khaled aka the human meme aka Mr Snapchat is hosting the pre-show. If you don’t know who he is you should read his great piece about him.
Preamble
It seems only yesterday that we were here, getting ready to enjoy one of the most consistently ridiculous awards shows on the planet. But here we are again as the 33rd MTV VMAs are about to get underway at Madison Square Garden.
I’m liveblogging this from a secret location – my living room – while Rob LeDonne is at the actual event itself sniffing around for news (and lets face it) some free food.
Here’s a tweet from him.
Two things I didn’t know about Rob that I now do: 1. he likes reggae from 1977 (which makes me wonder whether he’s more of a Delroy Wilson man or a Dennis Brown head) and 2. he’s good at pretending to be surprised about receiving a ticket he picked up two days ago.
There will be more from Rob as the evening goes on and I’ll be back to give you some info before the night gets underway. Here’s his behind the scene report to get you started, huh, lets get it started in heeeerreeeee. Sorry.
