Well Nancy is like, Dad, before I do the tribute, who actually WAS David Bowie? I’m like, all you need to know is Rocket Man still = major style inspo, you know his real name was Ziggy Stardust? Dave’s like God, soundtrack to my life, nobody else could have written Ride a White Swan or Somewhere Over the Rainbow, total pop genius & you can quote me on that. Nancy’s like, soz, Boris already used genius, what else, quick, before Oik puts something out? Dave’s like, that’s Mr Oik to you Nancy, OK, well just say *puts on RIP voice* I literally never stopped listening, Nancy’s like *checks Twitter* damn, Justin Welby’s said that, how about we go with very saddened? Dave’s like, you SURE that wasn’t in my Geoffrey Howe tribute? Or do I mean Christopher Lee? She’s like no, King Abdullah, lol. Dave’s like, OK, whevs, pitch it somewhere between Howe & Abdullah, but ASAP, that tiger mums speech is not going to write itself. Nancy’s like, but Dad I’m tired, Dave’s like, so exactly what tiger parenting is all about, hard work, never giving up, believing you can write a legacy-defining speech for your father literally overnight, 8am OK?
I’m like, tiger WTAF? As in, ME? Has anyone *puts on menacing voice* even THOUGHT about the implications for a certain global accessories brand #creative #edgy that pays our bills? Nancy’s like, chill mother, everybody knows you are not a tiger mother or you wouldn’t leave me behind in pubs and let us miss school for PMQs or take us to Ibiza, I mean c’mon, sunbathing with tiny kids, you think Amy Chua would do something as dumb as that? Dave’s like, I order you Nancy, do not speak to your mother like that, she’s like, talk to the hand, loser, listen bro, you want me to write this crap or not, trust me, the youth wing of Momentum is desperate for talent.
I’m like, just do your maths homework darling, she’s like, FGS mother canunot, I’m like PLEASE? She’s like, OK, deal, after you tell me how sines and cosines are going to help me start a band & take up recreational drugs, we’re like, Nancy, NOOOO! She’s like, you still want that tribute to David Bowie?
