Are you sitting down? I’m afraid there’s unfortunate news. In a highly unanticipated development, which could only have been predicted by anyone with a passing acquaintance with pop culture, the Brexit concert is in crisis.
Though not technically billed as Leave Aid, you may recall this is the event scheduled for 8 May at Birmingham NEC, which promised to intersperse Brexit-pushing speakers with some of “Britain’s hottest artists” in a music festival touted as “the first of its kind in the UK”. Two further such events were planned, though I get the feeling the out campaign would now literally prefer to talk about the darkest reaches of Nigel-Boris slash fiction than those.
Alas, bpoplive – for thus it is branded – has run into difficulties on the line-up front. Lost in Showbiz is indebted to a drily hilarious Buzzfeed report highlighting problems with many of the artists tentatively booked, who seem to have only latterly discovered the nature of the event and have consequently pulled out. It’s farewell to sensationally hot acts like Sigma, while a representative of the similarly confused DJ Luck and MC Neat “said he would discuss the political implications of their appearance further with the band”. One of the Electric Swing Circus declared his group “generally pro-EU”, though short of a collective stance on the referendum, while Phats & Small (’memba them?) are keeping their powder dry.
First thoughts? The idea that there are some acts out there still yet to agree a form of collective cabinet responsibility on their EU line beggars belief. Look: if you have to lose a drummer or an MC over this, then so be it. Nothing – NOTHING – is more important than agreeing a position on the shape of future trade deals, unless maybe it’s writing a garage track about it.
Still, poor bpoplive. It began life sounding like a Knowing Me, Knowing You episode and has now descended into the realm of Alan Partridge’s post-pomp corporate video negotiations. It’s the musical equivalent of “Well now, hang on – you can’t book me and ask me to pull out when Cliff Thorburn becomes available again.” (Side point: have they tried Cliff Thorburn yet? Might be worth putting a call in.)
As for the much-vaunted speakers, no one knows who they are. Probably wise, given the issues. I see Gus O’Donnell has been banging on about how it would take way more than two years to negotiate the terms of Britain’s EU exit, but it would frankly be a piece of piss compared with negotiating the bpoplive running order. Even if you’re an artiste of the calibre of Phats & Small, you’re not going to want to go on after Mike Read, are you? Talk about a warm-down act.
But what of Leave Aid’s Bob Geldof? Whither Andy Wigmore, leave.eu’s head of comms, who announced the festival with such elan back in February? The venue’s website has a live clock counting down to showtime, and if that doesn’t feel like it’s flashing on the inside of Andy’s eyelids even when he goes to bed at night, then he isn’t a quarter the promoter he thinks he is.
Yet as it turns out, a call to leave.eu HQ will not secure you a chat with Andy, who appears to have strategically “delegated” on this one. Instead, Lost in Showbiz is farmed out to a press officer, who can’t offer a single confirmed performer as the organisers “have to go back and reconfirm them all after the stuff that’s been written”.
The problem, he explains, was that people have mistaken this for a Brexit event, when it is nothing of the sort. Mmm, I say, I’m looking at your original press release for the event, which is headlined “Major Grassroots Out Festival”, and promises “some of Britain’s hottest artists as well as speeches from leading personalities and politicians who support leaving the EU”. I wonder if that might be the source of the misunderstanding?
“Yeah,” sighs the press officer. “That was misbriefed.” What does that mean? “It means there were two sets of ideas …”
And the wrong ones were put out? “Yes.”
My commiserations. He explains the concert is now modelled on nothing less ambitious than MTV’s Rock The Vote initiative. Crikey.
Look, it’s just a thought, but have you tried Cliff Thorburn? “I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is.” YOU DON’T KNOW WHO CLIFF THORBURN IS? But he was the first to make a maximum break in the Worlds. “Erm …” He’s a former snooker champion. “Oh, OK …” Plus he’s Canadian, so could really push the idea of the post-membership Canadian model.
“No, that’s a bad idea.”
But OK – what about that woman who did the deranged version of Three Lions? Mandy Boylett?
“Look, we’re just not saying any names at all.” Aha! So I’m not on the wrong track with Boylett? “No. No! Look, we’re not giving names because if we say anyone’s name, then journalists call and hound them about it till they drop out.” Fair enough. We don’t want Adele bothered about this before she’s absolutely ready for it. And with that, Lost in Showbiz bids leave.eu good day.
But I do wonder how far the promoters can take this artist-blackout approach. I mean, imagine Don King saying in 1974: “Hello everybody. We are going to have a boxing match in Kinshasa but unfortunately we will be unable to reveal details of the card in case journalists discuss the matter with any of the fighters – or, indeed, the fighters become aware that they will be taking part in a boxing match. See you all there!”
We can only wish bpoplive’s organisers all the best in untying this Gordian knot. Should they fail to, a concert in aid of saving their concert might be the best next logical step.
